Meredith Grey Queen of Avoidance
by XxStephXx
Summary: Set at the start of series two, it’s been a month since Derek picked Addison and Meredith is almost two months pregnant. Meredith hasn’t told anyone she might be pregnant, and she is avoiding taking the test to confirm it
1. Chapter 1

_Set at the start of series two, it's been a month since Derek picked Addison and Meredith is almost two months pregnant. Meredith hasn't told anyone she might be pregnant,__ and__ she is avoiding taking the test to confirm it._

**Chapter 1**

"Where is Grey?" demanded Bailey. They were rounding with Dr. Montgomery when Bailey noticed that Meredith had disappeared, and she had been there when rounds had started.

"Uh… she… has a migraine… she's gone to take something," lied Cristina. She suspected Meredith was pregnant, and she was off being sick again. But she wasn't about to tell Bailey that, especially not in front of Derek's wife.

"Right… I'll deal with her later," said Bailey furiously.

"She had an upset stomach yesterday, maybe she has the flu," said Izzie. Cristina glared at her, trying to let her know that she should shut up.

"Sorry Dr. Bailey, I… had to change the batteries on my pager," gasped Meredith, appearing at the door, a lot paler than usual.

"What is going on?" demanded Bailey. "First you had a migraine, then the flu, and now your batteries need to be changed? Which is it?"

"I did have a headache," said Meredith, obviously lying.

"You know what I hate more than a liar?" snapped Bailey.

"A bad liar," mumbled Meredith. She saw Addison looking at her and she knew she looked guilty of something and she just prayed nobody worked it out.

"Exactly, you're on SCUT!"

-----------------------------------

"So exactly how knocked up are you?" said Cristina bluntly. She was working with Derek that day and had just scrubbed out of a surgery when she found Meredith updating charts at the nurses station.

"What?!"

"How knocked up are you? A month? A week? How long?"

"I'm not!" hissed Meredith, terrified anyone would hear.

"Sure you're not, you're just puking every morning for fun? Or do you have an eating disorder?"

"Neither!"

"Is it McDreamy's?"

"Cristina, I'm…"

"Yes, you are whether you know or not," said Cristina, obviously bored with Meredith's denial. "Or you know I could always ask Barbie about the amount of tampons… you know, she will be familiar with your cycle."

"Shut up," hissed Meredith. "So I'm a little late, big deal."

"I'll ask again: is it McDreamy's?"

"If I am… yeah, it will be Derek's," whispered Meredith.

"You are so peeing on a stick _today_."

"Cristina," said Meredith, almost pleading.

"Look, it doesn't have to be a big deal, if you are you can take care of it and the McMarried couple need never know," said Cristina.

"How did you know… I mean when did you decide?" asked Meredith uncertainly.

"As soon as the damn stick turned blue," said Cristina. "I'm going to go and swipe a test from the Vagina Squad. Meet me in ten minutes in the locker room."

"Alright… okay," said Meredith, her mind racing. Cristina was right she had to know one way or another then she could get rid of it. She could get rid of Derek's baby, the Derek that she was still in love with and missed all the time, she could get rid of his baby. She was an intern. Of course she had to get rid of her married boss' baby, keeping it wasn't even an option. And besides, she might not even be pregnant, she might just have a bug or the flu.

-----------------------------------------

"Oh come on, you aren't actually scared are you? Yeah, if you are it sucks but it's easily taken care of," said Cristina. Meredith had just taken the test and was sitting on the bench waiting for the results, shaking.

"I might be pregnant. Pregnant! With my married boss' baby, Derek's baby. Derek, who has the gorgeous wife, the wife that is so nice it's impossible to hate her. I can't be pregnant, it just can't happen, we were always careful… maybe it's just syphilis. I mean, if there is a chance I'm pregnant, there is a chance it's just an STD, I mean he didn't tell me about his wife. What else didn't he tell me?" said Meredith, finishing her rant almost triumphantly. In her mind she had found a logical explanation for her symptoms without it involving Derek's baby, and it was a reason that allowed to pretend she wasn't still in love with him, and that he wasn't a great guy that he really was a McBastard.

"Yeah a little dose of Syph makes you throw up every morning, and stop your periods," said Cristina sarcastically. "Where was it you went to Med school?"

"You are not helping."

"I got you here, peeing on a stick! I'm even staying for the results! Trust me, I am doing my share of helping."

"Alright, it's time," sighed Meredith, looking at her watch. "Cristina…will you…?"

"You're pathetic when you're knocked up," said Cristina, lifting the pregnancy test. "Oh you poor girl, you're McPregnant!"

"Mer… say something," said Cristina. It had been over five minutes since she had told Meredith she was pregnant, and she was just sitting on the bench, frozen. "At least move so I know you're still alive…that's it, I'm calling code."

"Are you sure?" Meredith whispered.

"Oh, she speaks," said Cristina. "I have a PHD from Berkley and an MD from Stanford, I think I know how to read a pregnancy test."

"Maybe, it's a false positive."

"Look Mer, I know you have a lot of 'issues' but you're already getting morning sickness, it's a McFetus. So…"

"I can't keep it," said Meredith, panicked.

"Alright, I still have the number of people I was going to use. You can call them first thing tomorrow and get an appointment," said Cristina, almost professionally.

"I can't keep it," Meredith repeated.

"Look I have to go… I know we are supposed to have a moment and hug and stuff but… you have Barbie for that. I have to go and check on my patient," said Cristina.

"Don't tell them."

"I won't," said Cristina, less harshly.

"I can't keep it."

"Mer, don't go mental again," said Cristina just before she left the locker room, leaving Meredith alone.

"I can't keep it," Meredith whispered to herself. "Can I?"


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2**

"Derek," Addison called. "Derek! Derek!"

"Oh Addie, I didn't hear you," said Derek, completely lying. He had heard her, but was hoping to avoid talking to her. Although they were back together and had been married for eleven years previous to that, they were like strangers together and the sex was plain awkward and at times painfully bad. So her seeking him out at work an hour after they had arrived together couldn't be good for him.

"Right," said Addison, not believing him for one minute.

"Anything I can help you with, Addison?" said Derek.

"Yeah I need to talk to you," said Addison, looking round. "In private."

"Alright, my office," said Derek. He and Addison walked silently to his office. He sat behind his desk and she stood on the other side of the desk.

"What's the big secret?" he asked, watching Meredith have a heated discussion with Dr. Yang across the hall.

"I… uh noticed something was wrong with Meredith… Dr. Grey this morning during rounds," said Addison, obviously having some trouble talking about it.

"Can't say that I've noticed, what with me not being allowed to talk to her about anything except from patients and surgeries," said Derek, a little snappy.

"I think she was vomiting," said Addison, pretending she hadn't heard Derek. "And she has been late every morning this week."

"I don't keep a log of my ex girlfriend," said Derek, still watching Meredith as she snatched a cell phone from Cristina.

"Derek, can you just stop for a second and listen to me! This is serious!" snapped Addison.

"I don't see what Meredith's timekeeping is to do with us."

"Is she pregnant?" said Addison bluntly.

"What? No… she isn't," spluttered Derek, taken by complete surprise.

"Are you positive? She is vomiting in the morning, being late and she looks… well to be frank, she looks like a zombie as if she has something on her mind," said Addison. Even though Meredith had been sleeping with her husband, she had never disliked her because she knew that she hadn't known Derek was married.

"She doesn't look like a zombie," said Derek, without thinking because to him Meredith was beautiful all the time, even when she was hungover and just awake. Her inner beauty always shined through and it was real beauty not fake, not made up with thousands and thousand of products. Meredith was real.

Addison raised her eyebrows but didn't comment, she knew Derek was trying and that was all she felt she could ask of him so soon after Mark.

"All I'm asking is, were you two at least careful because a lovechild…"

"We were practically a condom ad," sighed Derek.

"So I'm jumping to conclusions then?"

"Yes, trust me there is no chance…" said Derek, trailing off, thinking back to the one time he and Meredith had had sex in the hospital, a month before Addison had arrived in the on call room. No condom!

"You're sure?"

"Positive," said Derek.

"Alright then, I had to ask you know…" said Addison, relief evident on her face.

"I know," said Derek. There was an awkward pause between the two of them. "Anyway I have a patient…"

"Right… me too… I'll see you at the trailer later."

"Yeah."

------------------------------------------

"Meredith can I talk to you for a second?" asked Derek. He had been looking for Meredith all day, and it was only half an hour before the end of his shift that he had finally found her.

"Uh… I already discharged Mr. Simmons," said Meredith, referring to the Neuro patient she had been seeing to that day.

"I know I just want to talk to you."

"Derek… don't do this," she sighed. "You have a wife and I… I have tequila."

"We can be friends," said Derek, feeling awful that she didn't want to even talk to him. "I could be your friend, Meredith. I'm a good friend, you would be lucky to have me."

"I don't want to be your friend," said Meredith abruptly.

"Meredith," said Derek hurt.

"I'm sorry, I've just had a long day," sighed Meredith. "I'm sorry."

"Can I ask you something?" asked Derek, giving her the 'McDreamy look'.

"What?" she sighed.

"You… you're not… are you…"

"What Derek?" she snapped. She had made her appointment at the abortion clinic that morning, and she was going in the next day, since they had had a cancellation. So all Meredith wanted to do was go home, crawl into bed and try to forget all about Derek and his damn baby that was making her even more confused and emotional than she had been before she found out.

"I heard you haven't been feeling well?"

"Oh I bet you have," said Meredith, using anger to cover her panic. She had planned to just get rid of the baby without Derek ever knowing and now thanks to gossip he might suspect and she couldn't handle him knowing, looking at her with that look that would make her feel like the worst person ever for getting rid of his child without even telling him. "I have a mild stomach bug, and everyone is talking about. 'Look at poor heartbroken Meredith, has she gone mental? No she's just bulimic.' I am NOT bulimic!"

"I know you're not," said Derek, a little frightened. "I was just concerned."

"Don't be, you don't have to be concerned anymore," said Meredith. "I'm fine."

"Alright I was just checking… just checking," said Derek.

"I'm fine."

"I meant what I said, we could be friends," said Derek. He missed her, and he did want her in his life, even though he was trying to make his marriage work. He could be friends with Meredith, just friends.

"Not yet," said Meredith, getting onto the elevator, leaving Derek feeling awful.

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**Come on people take pity on your sad, sad writer and REVIEW!**


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3**

"Hey Mer, you okay?" Cristina asked.

Meredith's appointment at the clinic had been the day before. They were rounding with Derek, and Meredith had been late again. She had cancelled her appointment at the last minute, so she was still having morning sickness.

"Nice of you to join us, Dr. Grey," said Derek impatiently.

"Sorry Dr. Shepherd," mumbled Meredith not being able to meet his gaze.

"Mer?" hissed Cristina.

"I'm fine," Meredith insisted.

She couldn't explain why she couldn't do it, not to Cristina and not to herself. All she knew was that the thought of killing her baby made her queasy. Whether she was ready for it or wanted it, she was having a baby, Derek's baby. She didn't know much about what was going to happen in the next seven months, but she was having a baby that much she was certain about. She didn't know if she was going to tell Derek, she knew he would find out that she was pregnant when she started to show and he would most probably question her about it, but that didn't mean she had to tell him that it was his. He had picked Addison, he made his choice. But was it fair to him or the child to not tell him? Even though he didn't want Meredith, maybe he deserved a chance to decide if he wanted a baby. _I still have time_, Meredith thought to herself as she watched Derek. She still had plenty of time to decide, there was no rush.

Instead of going to the abortion clinic, Meredith had gone to Mercy West to see an old friend from medical school specializing in gynecology. He had done an ultrasound, discovering that Meredith was about eight weeks pregnant and the baby was healthy. Meredith had the ultrasound picture in her pocket at that very moment; she didn't know why, but she was hoping that looking at the picture would help her decide. She was hoping to tap into some sort of maternal instincts, although she was doubtful that she even had maternal instincts; after all she hadn't had a great role model for motherhood.

Basically Meredith was confused about everything except whether to keep the baby. That was the one thing she was certain of.

---------------------------------------------------

"Dr. Grey, there is a craniotomy in OR4, and we need an intern," said Derek.

Meredith was in an on-call room, sitting on a bed looking at her sonogram picture, trying to take in the fact that she was pregnant and alone. Derek burst in causing her to jump and stuff the picture in her pocket.

"I'm coming," she said, getting up and hurrying out of the room, not noticing the picture fall out of her pocket.

"Mer…" started Derek, picking up the picture. He was about to shout her to give it back when he saw what it was.

------------------------------------

"Dr. Grey, I need a word in my office now!" said Derek as he, Meredith and the other surgeons scrubbed out of the surgery.

"Uh… okay," said Meredith, wondering if she had done something wrong in the surgery. "Did I do something wrong?"

"I just need a word," said Derek sharply, holding the door open. "After you, Dr. Grey."

"Is everything alright?" asked Meredith. She was in Derek's office, he was just standing in front of the closed door looking at her.

"You dropped this earlier," said Derek, handing her the sonogram picture.

"Oh…right, um thank you," said Meredith, grabbing the picture. "Was that all?"

"Is that yours?" asked Derek.

"I have to go and monitor the patient," said Meredith. She wasn't ready for Derek to find out yet, Cristina didn't even know that she had kept the baby. Derek couldn't know now, she didn't even know if she wanted him to know he was the father. It wasn't fair, she wasn't ready yet. She should just try and escape, he couldn't hold her captive in his office.

"Meredith, are you pregnant?"

"Yes," said Meredith before she could stop herself. Damn him for being so dreamy and making her mind mushy.

"It's mine, isn't it," said Derek. It wasn't so much of a question but a statement. He had been thinking about it all during the surgery, so he wasn't as shocked as he should be.

"No… it happened after you," said Meredith defiantly.

"It's been a long time since I was an intern, I admit, but I still know how to read a sonogram. That is dated yesterday and judging by the size you are about seven or eight weeks," said Derek calmly.

"We didn't have rules," Meredith blurted out. "There was someone else, it's not you. I was sleeping with someone else."

"Meredith," he said, taking a step closer to her so that he was whispering in her ear. "We both know that is not true."

"Please, Derek," she whispered back. "I'm giving you an out here, just accept it and go back to your wife. There was someone else."

"I'm not asking for an out," he whispered back, inhaling the scent of her lavender conditioner. "Just tell me truth."

"No… I can't take it back then."

Derek pulled away and looked her right in the eye. "Can you please just tell me truth? You won't have to take it back, please."

"I didn't even know if I wanted to keep it… I'm still a little fuzzy on that, especially now. I do not want to be the knocked up dirty mistress, everybody already looks at me and gossips and I don't want that. You have a wife and I have a…fetus," ranted Meredith. "So yeah… I didn't want you to find out. I don't want your wife to know… I mean the ex- mistress having the husband's kid is probably her worst nightmare and that isn't fair because your wife is impossible to hate!"

"So you admit it's my baby?" said Derek with an irritating smirk on his face.

"Shut up!" shouted Meredith, storming away.

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DEREK'S POV

I'm going to have a baby. A kid. A person. With Meredith. Who isn't my wife. But still a baby, I always wanted a big family but Addison was never ready and I really don't see us having kids together now not when we're practically strangers and sex is a weekly chore. But Meredith having my baby. Wow…

Meredith wasn't planning on telling me, because I picked Addison.

Now it comes back to this: who do I choose? My wife or the mother of my unborn child? Would Meredith even have me anymore after what I did?

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MEREDITH'S POV

That man is without a doubt the most arrogant egotistical ass I have every met. Working everything out and making me deal with it before I had to. Soon his wife will know and I can never come back to work again! I'll be the knocked up intern, single parent and they'll be the McPerfect McGorgeous McMarried McPeople. That is a whole lot of Mc's. As much of an ass as he is, Derek is a great guy and he'll do the right thing. He'll stay with his wife, he will always stay with his wife because that is who Derek is. He's the good guy who does the right thing. And I am the adulterous pregnant whore. Oh happy day. Haven't I started the day off being bright and shiny, now I'm definitely all dark and twisty, darker and twistier than I have ever been before.


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4**

"So I looked into finding a contractor, and I think I found one," said Addison. Derek had been distant with her all night, and they had just arrived at the hospital for their shift. Even now, it seemed to Addison that Derek wasn't listening to her. "We just need to find an architect…"

"Dr. Bailey," called Derek, interrupting Addison.

"What?" snapped Bailey.

"Can I have Dr. Grey today?" he asked. He had either completely forgotten Addison was there, or he didn't care if she knew that he wanted to work with Meredith.

"Why?" Bailey demanded.

"I uh… have an interesting case, I think she will benefit from assisting in," said Derek, looking sideways at Addison, who was just gaping at him and how insensitive he was being to her.

"Alright then…" said Bailey, not convinced.

"Thank you," said Derek.

"Why is it you have to have Dr. Grey?" said Addison sharply once Bailey was out of earshot.

"She is showing great promise in Neuro," said Derek dismissively.

--------------------------------------------

"Meredith! Meredith!" Derek called.

"Yes, Dr. Shepherd. I'm your intern for today," said Meredith, trying to establish a professional tone so that he wouldn't mention the baby.

"I know, I requested you," said Derek.

"Yeah, I heard there was a good case," said Meredith, looking around her, mainly to avoid looking at Derek. "Where do you need me?"

"In my office," said Derek flirtatiously.

"Derek, I did not mean that in… you have a wife!" hissed Meredith.

"Relax, I didn't mean it like that… well alright, I did but… we still need to talk, you're pregnant," said Derek.

"No, I'm working," said Meredith firmly.

"Meredith, you can't avoid this forever," said Derek, not bothering to lower his voice.

"No, but I can try," said Meredith. "So this patient?"

"The patient hasn't arrived yet," said Derek, determined to get his own way. "The file is on my desk, you should read it and familiarize yourself with the case."

"Okay," said Meredith warily. She turned and walked towards Derek's office, aware of Derek following her.

"So Dr. Grey, how far along are you?! Do you know the due date yet?!" Derek shouted.

"Keep your voice down!" hissed Meredith, whirling round to face him.

"We can talk in private or we can do it right here," said Derek, smiling at her, using that patented McDreamy smirk.

"Fine!" hissed Meredith.

"After you," he said charmingly, holding his office door open for her. Meredith stomped into his office, grabbed the file and sat down, seemingly absorbed in it.

"It's a great case," said Meredith, surprised. She had been afraid that Derek had lied about case as a way of getting her to be his intern, but he clearly hadn't. "What time is the helicopter due?"

"In about an hour," said Derek, sitting the edge of his desk.

"Okay, do you need me to prepare the chart and collect the patient's history?"

"No, I need you to talk to me about the baby," said Derek calmly.

"Why?" said Meredith, casually flipping through the file.

"Because you are having my baby," said Derek, starting to lose his cool.

"Don't do this, I don't need you or your… anything. Fine, I'm pregnant but it isn't your problem, okay? I've been alone my entire life and I can cope just fine alone with a baby. So you don't need to worry about this it isn't your problem," babbled Meredith.

"Do I even get a say in it?"

"No."

"Well that just doesn't work for me," said Derek. "I've never had a baby before."

"Me neither."

"Let me help," he said. "Let me be a part of this."

"No."

"It's my baby too," he argued, getting frustrated by how difficult and childish she was being.

"You can go and have one with your wife," said Meredith, knowing she sounded bitter and childish but she didn't care. She loved Derek, she physically ached for him sometimes, but he went home to his gorgeous wife and he had never shown any sign that he missed half as much as she missed him. So he could go to hell.

"Meredith, you're being ridiculous now," snapped Derek.

"No I'm not," she said, getting up. "Ridiculous is you thinking you can help me with my baby. You are just my boss, my married boss."

"Yes I am your boss, and yes I am married, but I'm that baby's father(s) and I will be a part of it whether you like it or not," said Derek, so seriously that it scared her a little.

"You can't," she said, almost pleading with him to drop it.

"Why not? Would it be so terrible for us to have a baby together?"

"Yes. Yes it would."

"Why?"

"Have you not been listening?! An intern having the married Attending's baby, that is insane!"

"You said you were having the baby anyway," Derek pointed out.

"Yeah, but maybe not here," said Meredith quietly. "Nobody would ever have to know it's yours."

"What do you mean, not here?"

"I mean I don't necessarily have to finish my internship here."

"Don't be stupid. This is the best intern program in the state, and you're too good to leave," said Derek. "This doesn't have to be a big awful thing."

"How can it not be? Can't you just forget I ever even let it slip…"

"No. No I can't forget, you can't ask me to forget that I'm going to be a father. I'll see you everyday getting bigger and then the day the baby is born… how could I forget that?" said Derek, looking at Meredith desperately.

"Derek, this is messy and complicated."

"I know."

"It will only get worse."

"I know."

"You have a wife."

"I know, but that part is my problem."

"Fine," said Meredith, exasperated. "But I have to talk to Bailey and the Chief. I don't want anyone to know until the twelve week scan. So please for now just keep this to yourself and we… we can work something out."

"Seriously?"

"Seriously," said Meredith. "Now can we get back to work?"


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter 5**

It had been almost a month since Derek had found out that Meredith was pregnant. He had done what she had asked and not told anyone that she was pregnant, but he had found subtle ways of showing that he was there for her, making excuses to Bailey for her missing rounds, giving her tea to settle her stomach and keeping her out of the pit whenever he could. Luckily nobody had noticed that anything was going on.

Today was Meredith's twelve week scan, and she was dreading it. The scan meant that the risk of miscarriage was now minimal, and she had no more reason not to tell Bailey and the Chief that she was pregnant. And worst of all Derek was going to tell Addison, and just the thought of that was enough to make Meredith feel nauseous. So far, she had only told Cristina that she was having the baby, who had mocked her and tried to talk her out of it but ultimately told her that she would back her decision.

Meredith arrived at Mercy West for her sonogram and was shocked to see Derek at the entrance waiting for her.

"What are you doing here?" she asked.

"Did you honestly think I was going to miss it?" he said incredulously.

"Yeah."

"I meant what I said Meredith, I want to be here for everything including the sonogram," he said. "My sisters always told me how amazing the first ultrasound is, the first time you get to hear the heartbeat… I can't wait to see for myself."

"Alright then," said Meredith. She didn't have the heart to be bitch to him when he looked so excited.

"Then we have to go and tell the Chief, you can't keep working all those insane hours," said Derek in that concerned voice of his.

"I'm an intern," said Meredith, feeling a little pissed off. "I have to work those hours, and I need to get in as much practice as I can while I can still work."

"Not at the risk of you or the baby's health," said Derek. "Anyway you can always repeat your intern year."

"Repeat the year? No… not happening, I don't care what hours I work, I am not being the intern that failed and had do it all over again," said Meredith, furious that Derek assumed she would basically give up her ambitions just because she was pregnant.

"Alright okay," said Derek, sensing how pissed off she was and if Meredith was anything like his sisters had been it would not be a good idea to piss her off. "I'm sorry."

"I will not give up my career to have this baby, I can do both," Meredith insisted.

"You're right and I'm sorry I suggested it."

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"Okay everything here looks good," said Dr. Jones, who was performing Meredith's ultrasound.

"Oh good, that's good," said Meredith, watching the screen intently. "It's normal size and everything?"

"Yes, everything is normal," Dr. Jones reassured her.

"Wow, listen to that," said Derek, completely mesmerized by the sound of the baby's heartbeat.

"Yeah it's good… a strong heartbeat," said Meredith. "The due date?"

"By my calculations your due date is September eighth," said Dr. Jones.

"September eighth," repeated Derek, still staring at the screen in awe.

"Can you see any limb deformities? Any irregularities?" asked Meredith anxiously.

"Relax, Dr. Grey," said Dr. Jones. "From what I can see your baby is perfectly healthy. Now did you want me to perform a CVS test?"

"Yes… yes we do," said Derek.

"Alright," said Dr. Jones. "I should be able to get the results to you in two days."

"Good that's… good," said Meredith.

"It's amazing," said Derek, taking Meredith's hand and squeezing it. "Look it's really there, it's real."

"Yeah," said Meredith, trying to ignore how fast her heart was beating. Just having Derek touch her made her feel like crying, she couldn't help but think how it would be if they were still together and having this baby. She looked away, blinking the tears out of her eyes.

-----------------------------------------------

"You told the chief without me," said Derek. After the ultrasound, Meredith and Derek had both gone back to work. Their shifts had now finished and Meredith had just walked onto the elevator. They were alone.

"Yes," said Meredith. "I had some spare time, and he was in his office. You were in surgery."

"You should have waited for me," he said.

"Why? Telling the chief isn't a big deal, it was about _my_ hours and _my_ new work schedule," said Meredith.

"I should still have been there," said Derek. "He isn't happy. Did he yell at you?"

"No. He told me I was making a mistake and that a lot of people would get hurt," she said. "Then he told me that my mother asked him to look out for me, and that he would."

"I'm telling Addison tonight, as soon as I see her," he said.

"Alright," said Meredith. "Just make sure you tell her that I didn't do this on purpose and it isn't some twisted plan to break you two up. And that I'm sorry and if it will cause problems between you then I will transfer, the chief said he would transfer me upon my request."

"You are not going anywhere," said Derek firmly. "Addison will just have to deal with this."

"Still I feel awful," said Meredith quietly. "I'm the dirty pregnant ex-mistress."

"You're not the dirty ex-mistress," said Derek.

"I'm having my married boss's baby," said Meredith.

"So…"

Just then the elevator door opened and revealed Bailey and Addison waiting to get on. Bailey glared at both Derek and Meredith as she got on, obviously the Chief had told her and she knew Addison had no idea.

"I just need to check on the patient," said Addison to Derek. "Then we can go to dinner."

"Alright, I'll wait downstairs for you," said Derek, looking sideways at Meredith who looked ridiculously guilty.

"Okay, honey," said Addison, kissing Derek and getting off the elevator.

"You fool," said Bailey once Addison was out of earshot. "She has no idea."

"Um… no," said Meredith, looking ashamed of herself. "I just had the twelve week scan, I didn't want anyone to know until now… you know miscarriage and complications."

"I know Grey, but this fool should have told his wife before the Chief," said Bailey, the Bailey Glare transfixed on Derek, who was squirming a bit under the pressure of her gaze.

"I told the chief," said Meredith.

"Grey, go home!" said Bailey, still staring down Derek, scaring him more than just a little.

"Alright," said Meredith, ducking out of the elevator, immensely relieved to get away.

* * *

**I think this is my favourite chapter so far. I tried to make the ultrasound scene as realistic as possible but since I have never had one I might have made a few errors. I'm going to try and update a few times a week so as long as people keep reviewing I'll keep updating.**


	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter 6**

"So… McDreamy and McWife just arrived," said Izzie, trying to be casual but failing miserably.

"They're back, and still together?" said Cristina.

"Looks like it," shrugged Izzie.

Derek and Addison had taken a week's vacation. Derek had called Meredith and told her that he had Addison had to work things out and that they would be off work for a week. Apparently they had managed to sort things out.

"Ugh, I'm going to be sick," gasped Meredith, making a dash for the bathroom.

"ROUNDS!" Bailey boomed into the locker room. She heard Meredith vomiting and called over her shoulder. "Catch up, Grey."

-------------------------------------------

"Okay Karev, Pit. Yang, Montgomery-Shepherd. O'Malley, Burke. Stevens, the Chief needs someone in the OR. Grey, Shepherd," said Bailey, obviously unhappy that Meredith was in Neuro again. Derek must have requested her again. "GO!"

"Dr. Grey," said Derek, appearing behind Meredith.

"Oh my God, you frightened the life out of me," gasped Meredith, shocked to see him there so suddenly, and so close to her. Instinctively she took a step back from him, something that did not go unnoticed by Derek.

"Sorry," he said. "How are you feeling?"

"I'm fine," Meredith insisted, following him.

"Morning sickness?"

"A little," she admitted. "How was your vacation?"

"Not much of a vacation," said Derek, leading her into the stairwell.

"Sorry to hear that," she said.

"I should have called and warned you we would be back at work today," he said apologetically.

"You did call and I assumed you would be back, you said it was a week long vacation," said Meredith, not really wanting to talk about the baby and Addison. In fact, if she was really honest with herself it had been so long since she had sex that all she really wanted to do was have her wicked way with Derek. But he had a wife, so she had to go vibrator shopping to satisfy her pregnant woman hormones.

"Still…"

"How is your wife?"

"She is… alright," said Derek. "She seems to think that we can get through this and that it doesn't have to be a big problem."

"What does that mean?"

"It means we are back in marriage counseling," sighed Derek. "But I'm still here for you and the baby, and I always will be Addison knows that."

"Alright," said Meredith slowly. "I'm sorry if I'm causing you a lot of problems."

"Don't apologise," said Derek. "I have an awesome patient for you today."

"Great, I can't wait to get started."

Derek and Addison had gone to their house in the Hamptons last week. After Derek had told Addison about Meredith's pregnancy, she said they needed to get away. The week had in Derek's opinion been a complete waste of time. Addison finally said that she could handle him being in his child's life, and having Meredith in their life on the condition that they went back into marriage counseling. Derek felt terrible when he realised that he wasn't all that relieved that Addison had accepted the situation so well, and she had she had been more understanding than he could have expected from her. But he still wasn't relieved and he couldn't help but hate himself a little bit for it.

---------------------------------------------

"Today was possibly the longest day of my life," moaned Meredith. She and the rest of Bailey's interns were just finished for the day and waiting for the elevator.

"At least you got to scrub in," said Alex. "I was stuck on the vagina squad with Satan's whore."

"Do we have to be so mean about her?" said Meredith, still feeling guilty. She had managed to avoid Addison all day.

"Yeah, I mean Meredith is having the McKid, she is doing more than her part to piss off Montgomery-Shepherd," said Cristina.

"Not funny," said Meredith.

"It's a little funny," said Alex.

"Oh shut up," said Meredith as the elevator opened to reveal Derek and Addison.

"Look who it is," Izzie whispered as they got on the elevator.

"Shush," hissed Meredith.

"You know what, Grey?" said Alex loudly. "Even though you're knocked up, I'd still do you."

"Thanks Alex," said Meredith. She had no idea what had prompted that from Alex.

"Because you are still a _young_ hot piece of ass," he continued.

"That is charming really," said Meredith, glaring at him. It had to be hard enough for Addison that her husband was having a baby with a woman at least ten years younger than she was, without Alex pointing it out so obviously.

"Make sure you're on time tomorrow, Karev," said Addison sharply. "I have a very 'hands on' case I want you to handle. I'll arrange it with Bailey."

"Right," muttered Alex, knowing tomorrow would not be a good day.

"I'm so sorry," said Meredith as she got off the elevator.

Addison just nodded kindly in response.

"Alex, you are such an ass," hissed Meredith. "Do not use me to get at her again."

"Fine I'm sorry. But it was worth it."

-----------------------------------------

Meredith was sitting at the bar at Joes, drinking lemonade and wishing it was tequila. Derek and Addison had been sitting at one of the tables for the past hour. Cristina and Izzie were over at the pool table with Alex, mocking him because a nurse was beating him.

"Hi," said a tall dark haired man that had been watching Meredith for the past half hour. "Can I buy you a drink?"

Meredith looked at him. He was attractive, really attractive. He looked respectable and he had a nice polite voice.

"Sure," she said and he sat down next to her.

"So you come here often?" he asked.

"Yeah, I work across the street at the hospital," said Meredith.

"I'm Jake," said the guy.

"Meredith."

"I'll have another beer and whatever the lady is drinking," said Jake to Joe.

"I'll have another lemonade," said Meredith.

"Oh, are you on call," said Jake.

"No, I'm just pregnant," said Meredith.

"Pardon?" said Jake, obviously taken aback.

"I'm pregnant, fifteen weeks along," said Meredith casually. "It's my married ex boyfriend's baby, who happens to be boss and still with his wife."

"Ah right…" said Jake, looking round uncomfortably.

"So yeah, you're not going to get lucky here tonight," Meredith continued. "It's a shame because you look like my type."

"I should just…"

"You should just leave," said Derek, appearing behind Jake, and he did not look amused in the least. "You should just stop hassling her or I will not be responsible for my actions."

"Oh Jake, this is my married ex boyfriend," said Meredith, barely looking up from her drink.

"Don't worry buddy, I was just leaving," said Jake, scurrying away.

"Have you been drinking?" Derek demanded, taking Jake's seat.

"Nope, just lemonade," said Meredith.

"What was that? Were you…"

"No," said Meredith. "I just… I don't know, I told him I was pregnant and he was about to scamper off into the night when you decided to swoop in. Why did you swoop in?"

"I thought he was bothering you," said Derek, not willing to admit he was jealous.

"He wasn't," said Meredith. "And I do not need you to save me. I've been looking after myself my whole life and I've gotten pretty damn good at it. So no more heroic whatevers!"

"Is everything alright?" asked Derek. He couldn't understand her change in attitude, she had been fine with him all day, even friendly which was big considering he had broken her heart only a few weeks ago.

"Everything is fine," sighed Meredith. "I'm just tired."

"Do you want a ride home?"

"No. For once I am sober and my car is still at the hospital," said Meredith, getting up. "I'll see you."

"See you Meredith," said Derek sadly.

"What was all that about?" asked Cristina, who had been watching. Meredith was designated driver, so Izzie and George also followed them out of Joe's.

"I miss him," said Meredith sadly. "I miss him so much all the time, even more now."


	7. Chapter 7

**Chapter 7**

Meredith woke up the next morning feeling more alone than she ever had. She couldn't explain it but ever since the ultrasound she seemed to be missing Derek even more. She missed him all the time, but especially in the morning. She wanted to wake up with him next to her, she wanted him to be with her when she was throwing up every morning, she wanted him to be the one holding her hair back and telling her everything would be alright. She wanted him to tell her that it was alright for her to be scared. But most of all, she really _wanted_ him. Her hormones were in overdrive and all she could think about most of the time was sex, sex with Derek.

But Derek was married, he was at home with his gorgeous wife. His gorgeous wife who wasn't starting to get fat. So Meredith wiped her tears away and hauled herself out of bed.

"Are we supposed to pretend we can't hear that?" George whispered. He and Izzie were in the hallway outside the bathroom.

"I guess," said Izzie. "Maybe we should tell Cristina, they talk."

"We should tell Cristina," said George.

----------------------------------------------

"Mere," said Cristina. They were both working with Derek on big case that day.

"Yeah," said Meredith, nibbling on a ginger snap, apparently they were meant to help with her nausea.

"Bambi and Barbie asked me to talk to you about the crying thing. It's not cool and it's a little pathetic," said Cristina.

"What crying thing?" said Meredith indignantly.

"The thing in the morning where you howl and think no one can hear you. It needs to stop, you're freaking them out."

"Right, uh…" said Meredith, not knowing to react to that.

"I get that you're pregnant and that is tragic really, and that McDreamy is with McWife and you're McWeepy but seriously, no more morning tears."

"Alright."

"Dr. Yang, can you please go and chase up those labs?" said Derek, peeking his head out of his office.

"Right away, Sir," said Cristina, scurrying off.

"Meredith," said Derek as she started to walk away from him.

"Yes, Dr. Shepherd," said Meredith, praying he hadn't heard what Cristina had said.

"How are you feeling this morning?"

"Fine, a little nauseous but otherwise fine," said Meredith. Of course he would care how she was, she was carrying his baby. He only cared about her physical health, he didn't care that she missed him so much she could hardly bear it sometimes.

"Good, that's good," said Derek. "How are you though? Anything bothering you, any problems?"

"I'm fine."

"Because you know we're friends, and friends tell each other their problems," said Derek. He had heard Cristina say that Meredith had been crying, but he wasn't sure how to ask her about it in case he was the cause of her tears.

"I'm fine, really," insisted Meredith.

"Alright… but if you have any problems, you can tell me you know?"

"Okay," said Meredith, just wanting to escape from him and his 'dreaminess'.

"Derek, Meredith!" called Addison, walking towards them.

"Dr. Montgomery," said Meredith, trying to sound calm. She had managed to avoid Addison since she had gotten pregnant, and she couldn't even look her in the eye. There was something intimidating about Addison that made Meredith feel ashamed, like she was in high school again.

"I was hoping to run into you," said Addison kindly.

"Oh…" said Meredith, looking around for some sort of distraction that would take her away from Addison.

"I just wanted to give you these," said Addison, handing Meredith a small box. "Apparently they help with the morning sickness and nausea, one of my patients recommended them and I heard you're having a particularly difficult time of that."

"Oh right," said Meredith, looking at the box. Addison had given her travel sickness bands. "Thank you that is really nice of you."

"No problem just let me know if I can do anything to help," said Addison kindly.

"Right well… thank you," said Meredith again. "I uh, have to go and… check on some labs." Before Derek could point out that he had just sent Cristina to do that, Meredith scurried off.

"That was awfully nice of you," said Derek to Addison.

"Well she is pregnant with your baby… and we're trying so I thought I would try and help," said Addison.

"You really didn't have to do that."

"I know," she said. "But if we're serious about this then I think I should at least be able to get on with Meredith. She seems nice, a little jumpy but nice."

"She is," said Derek warily as if he suspected Addison was up to something.

"I know so I thought I would try to help."

"Alright."

---------------------------------------

"Are you serious?" laughed Cristina. "McWife gave you morning sickness bands, seriously!"

"Seriously," said Meredith. "She just gave them to me."

"Are you going to use them? She might have poisoned them."

"She wouldn't do that," gasped Meredith. "It's a little weird, though."

"She's a total freak!"

"I don't care at this point, I'll try anything," said Meredith, pulling the bands out and putting them on her wrists.

"Fine," sniggered Cristina. "But if you collapse don't expect me to help unless I can scrub in."

"Thanks, really thanks."


	8. Chapter 8

**Chapter 8**

"Alright, what is going on now?" said Cristina, coming into the locker room.

"Meredith is a little emotional," said George warily.

"A little? What the _hell_ happened?" said Alex angrily, having followed Cristina. "Did Shepherd do something?"

"No… I'm—I'm," sobbed Meredith. "I can't help it… I can't…"

"It's okay Meredith, what happened?" said Izzie kindly.

"M-My hair fell out," sobbed Meredith, holding up a clump of hair. "I'm fat and bald!"

"Right," said Alex, looking a little afraid. "Come on, O'Malley."

"Okay we'll, uh… cover for you all… and you can, uh… feel better Meredith… look after her," bumbled George.

"Thanks," said Izzie.

Cristina just sighed loudly, as if she would rather be anywhere else, but out of loyalty and pity she said nothing.

"You are not fat and you are not bald," said Izzie firmly.

"She's pregnant, of course she getting bigger," said Cristina bluntly.

"See! And add bald to that!" sobbed Meredith, pathetically holding up her clump of hair.

"You are not going bald," sighed Cristina, patting Meredith's shoulder. "Your fifteen weeks along. Lanugo is appearing on the all over the fetus's body to protect its skin from amniotic fluid, and you know that can cause your hair to fall out a little."

"I know but… I'm bald and getting fat and Addison is all leggy and fabulous and…."

"So this is what it's really about? McDreamy?" said Cristina.

"No… no… really it's… not," said Meredith, trying to stop her tears. "It's just… I miss him and now I'm a bald pig and he gets to go have sex with his gorgeous wife and I… I have to buy a vibrator!"

"You're right, that is so wrong," said Cristina. "He knocked you up and then picked his wife, he should at the very least pay for the vibrator!"

"See, I knew you would help," Meredith laughed through her tears.

"You definitely have an interesting way to cheer her up," giggled Izzie.

"I know," said Cristina dryly. "Now dry your eyes, you're an embarrassment."

"Thank you," said Meredith, wiping her eyes.

-----------------------------------------

"Where is Stevens, Yang and Grey?" demanded Addison. They were all working on a high profile multiple birth case. Bailey, Derek and Burke were also present to be briefed on the case.

"They, um… what they're doing is…" stuttered George.

"Spit it out, O'Malley," said Bailey.

"They're having a weird chick moment… you know crying, hugging chick stuff," said Alex.

"Crying?" said Derek, raising an eyebrow at Alex.

"Yeah, crying," said Alex shortly.

"Is everything alright, Karev?" asked Burke.

"Yeah, Grey is just having a hormonal freak out," said Alex, almost glaring at Derek. "They should be along in a minute."

"I'm going to find them," said Derek, getting up and sweeping out of the room before anyone could stop him, leaving Addison and the others staring after him open-mouthed.

----------------------------------------

"Is everything alright?" gasped Derek as he burst into the locker room.

"Everything is fine," scoffed Cristina.

"Where is Meredith?" said Derek, deciding to ignore Cristina's tone.

"In the bathroom," said Izzie. "We'll uh just… go." Then she all but pulled Cristina out of the room.

"Meredith, are you alright?" Derek called as he cautiously went into the ladies room, relieved to see nobody else was in there.

"I'm fine," called Meredith from one of the cubicles.

"Can you come out?" he called.

"What?" said Meredith, opening one of the door. Her face was tearstained and her eyes were bloodshot, her hair had fallen around her face.

"Oh Mer," he said sadly. He reached out and wiped some of her hair out of her face. She flinched and pulled out of his reach. She didn't like him touching her now, something he was painfully aware of.

"What do you want Derek?" said Meredith walking over to the mirror pushing her hair out of her face.

"I just wanted to make sure you were alright," said Derek watching her through the mirror.

"I'm fine."

"You have said that to me so many times in the past few weeks that the word fine has lost all meaning," said Derek.

"I'm really okay," she said flatly.

"You've been crying," he said tilting his head and giving her the McDreamy look. "Why were you crying?"

"It's nothing, just hormones," Meredith insisted, making the mistake of turning round to face him. If she hadn't been holding onto the sink she would have literally slid onto the floor. There was something about him lately that made her even weaker; it was the way he looked at her now, he wasn't supposed to look at her like that. Ever since she got pregnant there was something different about him and it wasn't just because she was hornier than she had ever been and he was a fine piece of man candy. She loved him and she wanted him, but she couldn't have him and it wasn't fair.

"Are you sure?"

"Yes," Meredith answered quickly. She just wanted him to go because she couldn't be around him without wanting him.

"Meredith please, I just want to help."

"You can't," she sighed. "You can't help me."

"Why not?"

"Because…" said Meredith like a defiant child.

"Why were you crying?" said Derek softly. He took a step towards her, so that she couldn't run.

"It doesn't matter, it's not important."

"Then just tell me," said Derek, brushing his hand against her stomach. "I thought there was something wrong with our baby."

"No… nothing like that," said Meredith, surprised by his confession.

"Then what?"

"Why does it matter?"

"Because it does," Derek said desperately. "I want to help you, I want to be around for things. I don't want to have to hear about everything from your friends, most of whom hate me by the way."

"Yeah, they do," said Meredith nervously.

"Please can you tell me, why you were crying?"

"My hair fell out," Meredith confessed quietly. "I know it's stupid and pathetic… but you know hormones… I'm a surgeon I shouldn't have… I was meant to be working and…"

"You're rambling," said Derek, smiling. "Even hormonal and pregnant… it's still adorable."

"Um…" said Meredith, biting her bottom lip.

"It's normal, for your hair to thin a little not enough for it to be noticeable. It just means that our baby is growing normally," said Derek, cupping Meredith face gently. "And it isn't stupid or pathetic, you're pregnant and crying is normal."

"Not for me."

"It's not just you anymore, you're sharing your body with our baby," said Derek, who couldn't help but smile. Meredith hadn't pulled away from him yet.

"Well our baby hates me, it makes me throw up and feel like crap all day," said Meredith, trying to avoid Derek's powerful gaze. "It seems to take pleasure in making me miserable."

"I wonder where it gets that from," said Derek. He had no idea what made him say it but as soon as he did he knew he shouldn't have.

"You," said Meredith, pulling away from him. "We have to get back to work now."

"Right," he whispered_. 'I am an ass' _


	9. Chapter 9

**Chapter 9**

"Ah, Dr. Grey," said Derek. He hadn't seen or spoken to Meredith in over a week since the crying incident in the locker room. He had paged her to his office.

"You paged me?" said Meredith.

"I did," said Derek, gesturing to the seat across from him. "Take a seat."

"Okay," said Meredith, coming completely into the office. It was only then that Derek noticed something different about her.

"Wow, look at you," he said, looking at her in complete awe.

"I know I popped," said Meredith dully. "But at least I'm not bald."

"You look great… glowing."

"Thank you," said Meredith, blushing.

"How are you doing?" he asked, tilting his head to look at her.

"I'm good."

"I'm sorry I haven't been around much," he said.

"It's fine… your wife must be having a hard time with this," said Meredith, not being able to look at him. She still missed him every single day, and only when he wasn't there asking her how she was feeling and looking out for her did she realise how much. It really hit her that she would be a single parent and a surgical resident all on her own, and that scared her more than anything ever had. She was truly alone with her baby.

"Still I'm sorry."

"Was there something you wanted?" asked Meredith. She couldn't tell him that it was okay that he had just disappeared from her life for a week. Would he do the same once the baby was born? Would he pop in and out of their child's life? Did she even want to hang around long enough to find out? The hospital gossip was really starting to get to Meredith, all the whispering and the disapproving looks.

"Uh yeah… Addison thought that the three of us should sit down together and sort things out… practical things," said Derek, running his hands through his hair.

"Oh… right," said Meredith slowly. She couldn't think of anything she would rather not do.

"Bring Cristina or someone if you want," said Derek, quickly sensing Meredith fear and panic. He wasn't really that thrilled about the idea himself, he would rather sort it out with Meredith himself, but he was married and married couples do this sort of thing together.

"Uh… when did you want to do this?"

"Today in the conference room," said Derek, feeling awful. Meredith looked so miserable and lost, and it was his fault and he didn't know what he could do to make it better. "What time do you get off?"

"In an hour," said Meredith, wringing her hands.

"Alright. In the conference room, then?"

"Okay. I have to go and finish my charts," said Meredith, just about running from the room.

------------------------------------------

"Oh there you are Meredith," said Addison brightly. She had Derek were sitting on one side of the conference table. Addison was still wearing her lab coat, but Derek had changed out of his scrubs.

"Sorry I had to discharge a patient," said Meredith, more than a little intimidated by Addison's cheerful tone and the smile on her face.

"That's alright," said Addison. "Have a seat, this shouldn't take very long."

"Okay."

"I just thought the three of us should get together and discuss the practicalities and implications your… pregnancy will have on all of us," said Addison, taking some sheets from a file she had in front of her. "So I got in touch with our lawyers and had them draw this up. It's just a basic first draft contract, if you are uncomfortable with any of it we will negotiate."

"Contract?" said Meredith, completely bewildered.

"Yes a contract," said Addison. "It just lays down maintenance and access, and other concerns we have."

"I don't understand," said Meredith.

"Take a look," said Addison, handing Meredith the contract. "We have put in a few clauses. Derek's name must go on the birth certificate subject to an optional DNA test…"

"Addison, I told you there was no need," Derek interrupted.

"I said it was optional," hissed Addison.

"A DNA test is not necessary," said Derek firmly to both Meredith and Addison.

"The child must have the surname of Shepherd and you must consult us before the birth is registered on names," Addison continued in a business-like tone.

"Right," said Meredith, flicking through the contract.

"It also lays out maintenance, we will contribute throughout the pregnancy, monthly payments of five thousand dollars every two months. Once the child is born you will be entitled to five percent of Derek's income, however that may vary. As it stands now you will receive just under two thousand dollars a week, to be paid every Friday unless you request that it should be paid monthly," Addison said.

"_Two thousand dollars a week_" gasped Meredith. "That is far too much… it's a baby not a—a…"

"Five percent is the standard legal amount, we don't want any legal consequences in the future," Addison said. "There is also the access, it's pretty standard two days a week and once the child is a year old they can spend the night with us. Holidays are alternated each year, and written permission must be given to take the child out of state."

"Yeah it all seems fair," Meredith interrupted. She couldn't take listening to this much longer. "I'll sign it right now."

"We haven't finished going over…"

"I'm sure it's very fair," said Meredith, scrawling her signature on the page. "I really have to go."

"Meredith!" Derek called after her.

"Well that was little rude," said Addison casually.

"I think she is entitled to be a little rude," snapped Derek.

"Derek…"

"I'm going to go and see her, make sure she is alright."

"Fine I'll see you at home," said Addison, a little hurt. She was trying to be helpful by setting boundaries, she didn't know how she was expected to react to her husband having a baby with another woman. She hadn't meant to be a bitch, she just wanted things to be clean and simple. "I love you."

"Yeah later," said Derek, grabbing his coat.


	10. Chapter 10

**Chapter 10**

Derek was standing on Meredith's porch, praying that she answered the door. He hadn't been able to catch up with her at the hospital, her car was outside her house but that didn't mean she would answer the door to him after what had just happened. So he rang the bell and he waited.

Then he saw her, coming down the stairs with her blonde hair bouncing as she ran down the stairs. She was wearing sweats, a white t shirt stretched over her swollen belly and what looked like a man's shirt. She was still glowing. Derek noticed with a pain in his heart that the smile slide off her face when she saw him standing there. She walked cautiously to the door, and he saw that she was relieved to see that he was alone.

"What do you want?" she demanded opening the door, but not enough to let him inside. "I signed your contract."

"I came to apologise," said Derek. "I am so sorry about the contract and Addison."

"Fine," said Meredith curtly.

"Meredith can I please come in?" said Derek, he really wanted to make things right with Meredith. He knew he had been ass to her and treated her badly and he wanted to make it up to her.

"Fine," she said leaving the door open and going into the kitchen.

"I'm really sorry," he said again.

"So you've said," said Meredith taking a brownie out the fridge. "Don't you have to be somewhere?"

"Don't be like this Meredith," said Derek sadly.

"Like what?" she snapped. "Less of a doormat? Because I'm actually pissed off for once. My baby deserves better than that crap you pulled today!"

"I know," said Derek.

"Ugh just go," said Meredith waving her hand towards the door. "If all you have to say is 'sorry' and 'I know' then just go!"

"I don't know what to say," said Derek. "The contract was wrong…that is no way to raise a child, allocated time slots and percentages, I know that."

"The baby deserves better."

"So do you," said Derek. "You've been going through so much and I…I haven't been there. I could be doing more to help…like crib shopping and getting the nursery ready and helping you…you must have some cravings or something, I could do…something."

"I'm fine."

"You're not fine," said Derek.

"I am," Meredith insisted getting defensive because Derek thought she couldn't cope. "I already told you to go." Meredith stormed out of the kitchen, up the stairs and into her room Derek following closely.

"I am not leaving until we talk, you can't avoid it forever."

"Why not?" Meredith shouting flopping down on her bed. "I don't even know why I'm still here."

"What is that supposed to mean?"

"It means I should have asked the chief for that transfer," Meredith blurted out. "Then I wouldn't have to deal with all this crap. You, your wife, your contract and everyone whispering about 'poor knocked up Meredith'"

"Meredith…"

"No don't 'Meredith' me. I hate this! I hate all of this…I'm fat and emotional and crying all the time and I hate it!"

"I'm sorry," said Derek lying down next to Meredith, he pulled his arms around her and held her. "I'm sorry for everything I have put you through and everything people are saying about you!"

"That I'm a pregnant dirty mistress and a whore to boot."

"You aren't, you're not any of those things," said Derek inhaling the scent of her lavender conditioner.

"I am having my married boss' baby, I'm a little those things."

"You're not. I'm the bad guy here."

"You are," Meredith agreed.

"I'll burn that contract, our baby deserves better than that. We can do better than that, the two of us we can do better."

"You think?"

"I know."

"I felt her move today," said Meredith with a cute little smile on her face.

"Her?"

"I think so," said Meredith silently cursing herself for not being able to stay mad at Derek. "Obviously I don't actually know."

"Right but the baby…it moved actually?"

"Yeah this morning just after rounds. I kept thinking I could feel her moving for the past few weeks but this time it was stronger, she definitely moved."

"Wow," said Derek shifting his hand so that it was on her belly and that was the first time he realised that he had ever done that, he had never felt his baby growing before.

"Hmm it's amazing to feel when she moves," said Meredith.

"It must be," Derek murmured.

"I'm just going to take a little nap," said Meredith meaning he should get off her bed and leave.

"Don't let me stop me," he whispered teasingly into her ear.

"Fine but I still snore," she said sleepily.

"I don't mind."

-----------------------------------------------

"You're still here?" said Meredith sleepily, she had just woken up and was a little shocked to find Derek was still lying in her bed, touching her stomach.

"I'm still here," he said McDreamily.

"Why?"

"To see if you needed anything when you woke up."

"Oh right…" said Meredith a little thrown. "Actually my feet are freezing, could you pass me some socks?"

"Sure," said Derek rolling over and reaching into a drawer on her bedside table. Then he came across an object that was definitely not socks. "What the…"

"Oh no," groaned Meredith, she had forgotten that she had put her vibrator in that drawer. She pulled a pillow over her head.

"Is this…" laughed Derek, he tried to pull the pillow off Meredith's face.

"Oh please just let me suffocate," she moaned.

"It's…perfectly healthy…and uh…" started Derek but he couldn't finish because he was laughing so hard.

"Shut up," called Meredith throwing the pillow at him. "It's not funny!"

"You're right it's not funny…it's a little sad Mer," laughed Derek.

"You know this is all your fault!" she said hitting him more with the pillow. "I have raging pregnant lady hormones because _you_ got me pregnant and because I'm pregnant I'm told I am not allowed to pick up guys in a bar for sex!"

"But a vibrator," laughed Derek.

"Yeah it's sooo much better than the last guy I slept with…boy he was a disappointment."

That shut Derek up.

"HEY! That was low!"

"No that was truthful! So leave my vibrator alone…"

"Alright I'm shutting up now," said Derek holding his hands up in defeat.

"Good," said Meredith getting up. "I'm starving!"

"For food or synthetic orgasms?"

"For food!" Meredith shouted.

-----------------------------------------------

"So you're sure you don't need anything else?" asked Derek for the tenth time. He was just about to go back to the trailer and he wasn't looking forward to it at all, Addison would be home and she would want to know where he had been for the past six hours.

"I'm sure," Meredith insisted. "You have a surgery in six hours."

"I know I was just checking," said Derek, he kissed the top of her head. "I'm going, bye."

"Bye," said Meredith checking out his ass as he went to the door. "Derek!"

"What? What is it?" said Derek a little panicked, jogging over to her.

"She's moving," said Meredith taking his hand and pressing it to her stomach. "It's only a little one but…"

"I feel it." Said Derek completely amazed. The both just stood there for a few minutes until the baby stopped moving. "Thank you."

"For what?"

"Letting me feel that," said Derek moved that he had just felt his baby move, it was really real now there was a person growing inside Meredith that was part of her and part of him.

"No problem," said Meredith making the mistake of looking into his eyes.

Before Meredith knew what was happening Derek was kissing her, and she was letting him. She gently pushed her against the wall as he caressed her cheek and kissed her with such passion she thought she would fall to the ground if he wasn't holding her up. As much as she hated to do it, she pushed him away.

"You need to go…your wife and…no we can't…never," she mumbled looking at the ground.

"Right I…sorry," said Derek.


	11. Chapter 11

Chapter 11 

"I'm hungry," whined Meredith. She had just finished a six hour shift, and she was not happy. Six hours was not even the length of a decent surgery it was hardly worth her while coming in for six hours. But she had hit her limit, and it was only Friday afternoon, she couldn't work again until Monday morning, unless there was a major incident.

"We know, just go and eat already," snapped Cristina.

"I don't know what I want to eat," she moaned. "Every time I think of something it makes me nauseous."

"Then starve," said Cristina harshly, stepping off the elevator just as Derek stepped on.

"Mean!" hissed Meredith, trying to ignore Derek. She hadn't spoken to him since he kissed her, and she had no idea what to say. He had a wife, and he had kissed her. That was messy and complicated and Meredith didn't need any more messy and complicated. She needed neat and simple. She did not need married ex-boyfriends that she still loved to kiss her and then go home to his wife. That was not good for her stress levels.

"Meredith," said Derek as soon as the doors shut. "I have to te…"

"No, I don't want to talk about… anything," Meredith insisted firmly. "Not now, not ever."

"But I just wanted to…"

"NO!"

"Alright," said Derek, holding his hands up in defeat. "We can talk about anything you want."

"We could talk about nothing. Silence is good, I like silence. I think it is very appropriate."

"How are you feeling?" asked Derek, completely ignoring what she had said.

"Fine," she insisted, although the effect was somewhat ruined by her stomach growling.

"Meredith, what was that?" said Derek sternly.

"That was…" said Meredith, thinking whether she should tell him that she was starving but she didn't know what she had to eat without the baby making her nauseous. "None of your business," she finished.

"It is my business, you're carrying my baby."

"Then you're baby is a pain in the ass, either that or it has an eating disorder," said Meredith accusingly.

"What?" laughed Derek.

"The baby has an eating disorder. I am starving but every time I try to eat something or think about any sort of food I get nauseous," she said furiously. How dare he laugh and mock her when it was all his fault? Him and his McDreamyness and his boy penis.

"You have to eat," said Derek seriously.

"Don't you think I know that?"

"Well alright then," said Derek, stepping off the elevator. "We'll just have to work this one out then?"

"Excuse me, we? We don't have to do anything. You don't have anything to do with what I eat or what I don't."

"Oh yes, I do," said Derek, following Meredith out to the parking lot. "It's my business if the baby is malnourished."

"Malnourished because I haven't had lunch yet?"

"Alright malnourished is a little harsh," said Derek, noticing that Meredith was lot more feisty than usual and he had better do his best not to piss her off. "But at least let me help you find what you want to eat."

"No."

"What if whatever it is needs to be cooked?" he called.

"Fine," sighed Meredith. "But I don't know how to 'work out' what I want to eat."

"There is only one place I can think of," said Derek mysteriously.

"Where?"

"The food court!"

"At the mall?" said Meredith dully. That was very anti-climactic.

"Yes, anything you want you can get there," said Derek. "I'll drive."

"I want to drive," Meredith whined.

"No."

"Yes, I am driving," Meredith insisted furiously.

"Tell you what, we'll compromise: I'll drive in your car so you are free to ditch me at the side of the road, okay?"

"I am a good driver," said Meredith.

"I know, but you need to concentrate on what you want to eat," said Derek. "So I drive in your car then you can drive back if you want."

"Fine, I can live with that," said Meredith, too hungry to argue.

"Good, keys please?"

---------------------------------------------

"Yuck, yuck and yuck," said Meredith as she and Derek wandered around the food court.

"There has to be something," sighed Derek. "There is Chinese, Mexican, Thai, Italian and there is even a McDonald's."

"But I don't want any of that stuff," whined Meredith. "It makes me nauseous!"

"Alright, where else can we go?"

"I don't know," sighed Meredith helplessly. Then she stopped in her tracks. "What is that smell?"

"What smell?" said Derek, turning. He could sing he was so relieved. They had been wandering around the mall for over an hour, because Meredith couldn't find what she wanted to eat. She didn't even have an idea of what she was craving.

"I don't know a smell… I thought I could smell it earlier," said Meredith, looking around for what the smell could be.

"What does it smell like?"

"I don't know," said Meredith, then she turned to him. "Come here."

"What?"

"Come closer," she ordered. He didn't have to be told twice, he was standing right in front of her. She brought her head down and sniffed his shoulder. "It's you!"

"You want to eat me?" smirked Derek.

"No!" said Meredith, pulling away blushing. "You just smell like something I want… TROUT! That's it, I want trout!"

"Alright, you want trout," said Derek, not caring that people were starting to look at them because Meredith was shouting 'trout' in the middle of the food court.

"Yeah, finally," gasped Meredith. "Where can I get trout? The fish market?"

"Come on," said Derek, grabbing her hand. "I know the best place in Seattle for trout."

"Alright," said Meredith, allowing Derek to lead her out of the mall.

--------------------------------------------

"It's the trailer," said Meredith, surprised as Derek pulled up outside the trailer.

"Of course it's the trailer, what is better than catching a trout yourself and cooking it?" said Derek.

"Uh… buying it fully cooked and eating it," said Meredith.

"It's better catching it, trust me."

"I can't fish… I'll try, but I'll end up falling in."

"It's fine, I'll catch you trout and cook it," said Derek, who knew from experience that Meredith was not a cook. It was most likely that she would give herself food poisoning if he let her cook the fish. "You just sit there and look pretty."

"I want to try," Meredith pouted. "Let me try to fish."

"Alright," laughed Derek. "Just let me get the rods."

--------------------------------------------------

"We have to do that again," said Meredith, swinging the four trout she had caught. "Can we do that again?"

"Sure we can," laughed Derek. He had no idea she would enjoy fishing, as Addison had hated it with a passion. "Maybe not today though, it's getting dark."

"Oh right, of course," said Meredith, disappointment evident in her voice.

"We can fish over the weekend if you want, since you hit your limit this afternoon," said Derek.

"Have you been checking up on me?" Meredith accused.

"Yes," said Derek simply. "Now sit down while I cook you a whole lot of trout."

"Thank you," said Meredith sincerely. "You didn't have to trail around the mall for hours, then take me fishing and cook me dinner. So thanks."

"You're welcome," said Derek, starting up the grill. "I actually had a great time."

"Me too," said Meredith, sitting on the loveseat outside the trailer. Then she remembered something or rather someone. "Uh… I don't think Addison would be happy if she came home and I was… I should probably just…"

"Addison won't be coming back here tonight," said Derek casually. "She moved out last night and filed for divorce this morning."


	12. Chapter 12

"_Addison won't be coming back here tonight," said Derek casually. "She moved out last night and filed for divorce this morning."_

**Chapter 12**

"What?" Meredith choked out, not sure if she had heard him right.

"Addison and I are over, getting a divorce," Derek repeated calmly, still preparing the fish.

"You… you didn't say anything…"

"I tried," said Derek. "You said we couldn't talk."

"But still you should have… why?"

"I don't love her like I used to, I wasn't in love with her," said Derek as he calmly placed the fish on the grill. "We were just trying to hold on to the past and it wasn't working."

"But—but… d id I… I mean, the baby and…"

"Meredith, look at me," said Derek, crouching in front of her. "You didn't do anything."

"I'm a home wrecker… I was the dirty mistress, then got pregnant."

"Meredith, my home was wrecked long before you," said Derek, rubbing her hands supportively. "I'm just done trying to fix it."

"You're done?"

"I'm done."

"Are you alright?" asked Meredith, unsure of what she was supposed to say.

"It's a little sad, she was my family," said Derek, getting back up to check on the trout. "But it was over even before she slept with Mark, it's just taken a while for us to admit it."

"I'm sorry."

"Don't be," said Derek. "I'm not."

------------------------------------

"Mere, you have a visitor," Izzie called the next morning as she and George left for work.

"Coming," called Meredith, coming down the stairs. Her face lit up when she saw Derek standing just inside the house, holding a brown paper bag.

"Good morning." He smiled at her.

"Good morning," she said, eyeing the brown bag in his hand. "Did you bring trout?"

"I did bring trout," said Derek.

"Yum," said Meredith, taking the bag and going into the kitchen Derek closely followed her. "Ooooh… bagels."

"Bagels and trout?" said Derek, wrinkling his nose.

"Is that a problem?"

"No, eat whatever you want."

"I will," said Meredith, sticking a bagel in the toaster. "So what brings you here so early?"

"I don't have a surgery until four so I thought I would come and make sure you're alright," said Derek.

"I have a cell phone, you know."

"I know, but I wanted to see for myself. You have an annoying habit of telling everyone you are fine when you clearly are not," said Derek. "Anyway I'm sure there is some sort of baby stuff we could do."

"Like what?"

"Oh I don't know the nursery or… maternity clothes… whatever you want," said Derek. He loved Meredith, he had finally admitted it to himself, he was getting divorced and he was having a baby. His life was perfect except for one major thing, he wasn't with Meredith. So he was going to earn her trust back. The night he had chosen Addison, Meredith had told him she loved him, and he just hoped one day she could love him again.

"It's a little early for the nursery and stuff," said Meredith.

"Not really, we only have five months until the birth."

"Yeah five months, that is a long time."

"Fine, what about maternity clothes?" said Derek. He wanted to spend time with her outside the hospital, it was the only way to get her back.

"Are you saying I'm getting big?"

"No, I'm saying our baby is growing more everyday and you said yourself you popped," said Derek, hoping he had sidetracked the whole 'am I fat?' thing.

"Alright then… I guess I can't put it off forever," sighed Meredith. "Are you sure you want to come maternity clothes shopping though?"

"I'm positive," said Derek firmly. "Anything has to be better than that shirt you're wearing."

"It's George's, he has started to hide all his nice ones from me," she pouted.

"Alright," he laughed. "We'll get you some nice ones then."

-----------------------------------------------

"I am never going shopping with you again!" declared Meredith as Derek carried all the various shopping bags into her bedroom.

"Why not?" laughed Derek. "If anything you are the problem."

"Me? I didn't do anything!" yelped Meredith.

"Exactly, you are the worst shopper ever," said Derek. "If one of my sisters even gets a whiff of my credit card they're unstoppable, but you… I had to force you to buy anything."

"Yeah well… what on earth do I need this dress for?" said Meredith, holding up a black cocktail dress. "I just want to curl up and wait for the fetus to be born."

"You can wear it when I take you to dinner," said Derek.

"What?"

"Come to dinner with me?" he said.

"What?"

"You know a restaurant, with waiter and big chunks of carbs in baskets," said Derek, slightly mockingly.

"I know what it is!" snapped Meredith.

"So…?"

"Why?"

"Why not?" said Derek.

"Derek…"

"I'm in love with you Meredith, I have been in love with you forever. So take your time and think about it… I'll be here just remember I love you and it's up to you how we do things," said Derek seriously.

"Oh… right… uh," babbled Meredith.

"So dinner, tomorrow night?"

"Alright."

"Great, I'll pick you up at eight."


	13. Chapter 13

**Hi Everyone I know it's been a while since I updated this story.**

**I have found myself with some time on my hands and**

**I would like to use this time to complete some of**

**my stories.**

**So I am putting this up to ask for your help, I seem to have run out of ideas for this story**

**and I would appreciate any ideas or storylines you would like to see **

**written for this story.**

**Please help me finish this story before the new year.**

**XxStephxX**


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